truth and joy

Reflection: Take these broken wings...

2012-01-18T22:08:00.000-08:00

I am amazed how often I bounce between excitement to renew my commitment to self-improvement, and overwhelming exhaustion and hopelessness that I will ever get healthy and the house in order. It is at those times that I am grateful for the "one day at a time" principal that I learned in AA. Like most of us, between my upbringing and societal pressures, I am frequently paralyzed by perfectionism. My daily meditations from Simple Abundance often refer to this as do my daily emails from FLYlady.

But when I pray about it, I find a great peace, and even beauty and contentment embracing my brokenness. I neither want, nor need to be perfect. I am turned off - in the EXTREME - by people who think they already are or insist on ruthless striving for perfection. But the brokenness we all endure in this difficult life is what makes us precious and unique and gorgeous.

That is what inspired this reflection.

Simply scroll down. If something catches your attention, peruse it. Sit quietly with it, or play a song about it. Listen for the still small voice of God in your heart. And then go off and love yourself and one another.

Pax, Salaam, Shalom.

If I had wings and I could fly, I 'd still walk

with you - Unknown.

"'Behold I make all things new!' When you change to a new way of life you leave many things behind you. It is only the earth bound spirit that cannot soar. Loosen somewhat the strands that tie you to the earth. ... Your new freedom will depend on your ability to rise above... Clipped wings can grow again. Broken wings can regain a strength and beauty unknown before."

From the meditation for August 21 in Twenty Four Hours a Day Daily Meditations for Recovery

“Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings

to fly?”

― Frida Kahlo

Psalm 55

Contemporary English Version (CEV)

A special psalm by David for the music leader.

¹Listen, God, to my prayer!

Don't reject my request.

²Please listen and help me.

My thoughts are troubled,

and I keep groaning

³because my loud enemies

shout and attack.

They treat me terribly

and hold angry grudges.

⁴My heart is racing fast,

and I am afraid of dying.

⁵I am trembling with fear,

completely terrified.

⁶I wish I had wings

like a dove,

so I could fly far away

and be at peace.

⁷I would go and live

in some distant desert.

⁸I would quickly find shelter

from howling winds

and raging storms.

⁹Confuse my enemies, Lord!

Upset their plans.

Cruelty and violence

are all I see in the city,

¹⁰and they are like guards

on patrol day and night.

The city is full of trouble,

evil, ¹¹and corruption.

Troublemakers and liars

freely roam the streets.

¹²My enemies are not the ones

who sneer and make fun.

I could put up with that

or even hide from them.

¹³But it was my closest friend,

the one I trusted most.

¹⁴We enjoyed being together,

and we went with others

to your house, our God.

¹⁵All who hate me are controlled

by the power of evil.

Sentence them to death

and send them down alive

to the world of the dead.

¹⁶I ask for your help, LORD God,

and you will keep me safe.

¹⁷Morning, noon, and night

you hear my concerns

and my complaints.

¹⁸I am attacked from all sides,

but you will rescue me

unharmed by the battle.

¹⁹You have always ruled,

and you will hear me.

You will defeat my enemies

because they won't turn

and worship you.

²⁰My friend turned against me

and broke his promise.

²¹His words were smoother

than butter,

and softer

than olive oil.

But hatred filled his heart,

and he was ready to attack

with a sword.

²²Our LORD, we belong to you.

We tell you what worries us,

and you won't let us fall.

²³But what about those people

who are cruel and brutal?

You will throw them down

into the deepest pit

long before their time.

I trust you, LORD!

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the

world but then I thought there are so many

people in the world, there must be someone just

like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same

ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that

she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I

hope that if you are out there and read this and

know that, yes, it's true I'm here, and I'm just as

strange as you.”

―Frida Kahlo

Reflection: Awareness of flaws and gratitude

2012-01-09T02:10:00.000-08:00

One of my daily meditations this week from Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy

Mentioned Kathy Mattea's Standing Kneedeep in the River (Dying of Thirst)

This song made me think of my character defects. Things that I let pass due to my addictions, my selfishness, by cutting myself off from God.

From the 7th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous:

"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen."
(p. 76 BB)

(Jerusalem)

6th Step

God help me become willing to let go of all the things to which I still cling. Help me to be ready to let You remove all of these defects, that Your will and purpose may take their place. AMEN
(p. 76 BB)

(Shanghai)

8th Step

"We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes."
(p. 76 BB)

God help me to become willing to sweep away the debris of self will and self reliant living. Thy will be done for this person as well as for me. AMEN

(Ciudad Mexico)

When I think of these prayers, it brings me to sunrise. Maybe because that is when I do most of my praying. Maybe because that is when things feel newest and most fresh. Maybe because so much cleaning and returning happens in the morning. I am, in reality, NOT a morning person. If left to my natural clock, I go to BED at sunrise. SO maybe that is why I am drawn to it. But I chose some of my favorite cities at sunrise. I hope they help everyone FEEL the release of our character defects.

My Simple Abundance book had a different take on the song.

Sarah Ban Breathnach sees the song in terms of gratitude.

We stand feeling parched, thirsty, deprived

while knee deep in abundance.

Psalm 8 (Contemporary English Version)

(A psalm by David for the music leader. (Psalm 8 leader: The Hebrew text adds " according to the gittith," which may refer to either a musical instrument or a tune.) )

The Wonderful Name of the LORD

¹Our LORD and Ruler,

your name is wonderful

everywhere on earth!

You let your glory be seen in the heavens above.

²With praises from children

and from tiny infants,

you have built a fortress.

It makes your enemies silent,

and all who turn against you

are left speechless.

³I often think of the heavens

your hands have made,

and of the moon and stars

you put in place.

⁴Then I ask, "Why do you care

about us humans?

Why are you concerned

for us weaklings?"

⁵You made us a little lower

than you yourself, and you have crowned us

with glory and honor.

⁶You let us rule everything

your hands have made.

And you put all of it

under our power--

⁷the sheep and the cattle,

and every wild animal,

⁸the birds in the sky,

the fish in the sea,

and all ocean creatures.

⁹Our LORD and Ruler,

your name is wonderful

everywhere on earth!

(lol)

People often say they are grateful for family and friends. It is said so often that I fear it becomes a cliché - empty language. I have been extremely pained by my family and friends at times in my life. But right now, in a difficult transition in my life, it is amazing how kind, generous and empowering my family and friends have been with me. I am grateful for so much. I used to think guys in AA were crazy when they talked about being unemployed and overwhelmed with gratitude. And now I am blessed to say that I understand.

PETE PHILLY AND PERQUISITE GRATEFUL

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”

and of course from maya Angelou

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

until one humbles oneself, asks for and accepts help, one never realizes how many are there to care for us. We have to hand our lives to God, or we risk being deluded that we are our own god.

Reflect: Today I Begin Again

2012-01-02T02:21:00.000-08:00

Quoting from one of my daily meditation books "

Glad day:

daily meditations for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people"
http://books.google.com/books/about/Glad_day.html?id=WpNd0jboKXQC
I feel that there is much here for anyone, even those not in a 12 step program or for people not identifying on the GLBT spectra.

"Today I begin again.
I acknowledge and accept my past without regrets or judgements -
it has brought me to this moment of beauty, maturity, and possibility.
I have learned more about who I am and can embrace my true self with compassion, respect and tenderness.
This day, this year, this moment are new creations, and so is my life.
Time is my friend.
It may hold miracles of recovery; more expansive... identity; of a richer connection to the spirit within me; of a deeper engagement with friends and community."

Ecclesiastes 3

Contemporary English Version (CEV)

Everything Has Its Time

¹Everything on earth

has its own time

and its own season.

²There is a time

for birth and death,

planting and reaping,

³for killing and healing,

destroying and building,

⁴for crying and laughing,

weeping and dancing,

⁵for throwing stones

and gathering stones,

embracing and parting.

⁶There is a time

for finding and losing,

keeping and giving,

⁷for tearing and sewing,

listening and speaking.

⁸There is also a time

for love and hate,

for war and peace.

What God Has Given Us To Do

⁹What do we gain by all of our hard work? ¹⁰I have seen what difficult things God demands of us. ¹¹God makes everything happen at the right time. Yet none of us can ever fully understand all he has done, and he puts questions in our minds about the past and the future. ¹²I know the best thing we can do is to always enjoy life, ¹³because God's gift to us is the happiness we get from our food and drink and from the work we do. ¹⁴Everything God has done will last forever; nothing he does can ever be changed. God has done all this, so that we will worship him.

¹⁵Everything that happens

has happened before,

and all that will be

has already been--

God does everything

over and over again.

Tao Te Ching: Chapter 29
translated by Holly Roberts (2005)

Though one may desire to control and change the world,
One cannot do so.
The world is a sacred vessel.
One seeking to change it will succumb to it.
One seeking to grasp it will lose it.

So it is that
sometimes one leads,
and sometimes one follows.
Sometimes [if the air is cool] one exhales warm,
and sometimes [if the air is warm] one exhales cool.
Sometimes one is strong,
and sometimes one is weak.
Sometimes one defeats,
and sometimes one is defeated.
Knowing this,
the sage avoids extremes, extravagances and excesses.

http://earlywomenmasters.net/tao/ch_29.html

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

Maria Robinson

God of all seasons,

Help me to remember the sun when it is raining.

Help me to remember the rain when it is shining.

Teach me to respect the unpopular students when I am popular.

Teach me to respect the popular students when I am unpopular.

When I win a game, help me to remember the times I lost.

When I lose a game, help me to remember the times I won.

When I am with my friends, remind me of times when I am alone.

When I am alone, remind me of the times when I am with friends.

Help me to understand that there is a balance to life,

Just as in the seasons of earth.

Amen

(From the Catholic Youth Bible)

Truth / Study: Be armed for daily meditation

2012-01-01T23:59:00.000-08:00

One thing I learned in AA is that daily prayer and reflection is the ONLY way that I stay even remotely near to sanity. In order to facilitate this, I have a variety of daily reflection books always nearby. I also have daily recovery readings and prayers emailed to me to read and meditate on the go from my android.
Today I am discussing just a few daily prayer/ meditation books. I will discuss Bibles and translations another time.

I am currently using a book "Simple Abundance" intended for women, but that works outstandingly for me and prolly any person IMHO: http://www.overstock.com/Books-Movies-Music-Games/Simple-Abundance-Hardcover/4025941/product.html?cid=202290&kid=9553000357392&track=pspla&kw={keyword}&adtype=pla
Another member of one of my AA groups often quotes it in meetings and I know a few others who have used this book with pleasure and success.

Another daily book that I have been using for over two years is "Glad Day" by Joan Larkin from a famous recovery center, Hazelden. It is written for a GLBT reader, but again, I feel it is more addressed to human issues and not limited by recovery or sexual attraction or identity: http://books.google.com/books/about/Glad_day.html?id=WpNd0jboKXQC
I will be posting a reflection inspired by one of the writings in this book this week.

For people for whom the Christian Bible as inspiration for prayer, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my prayer book Daily Prayers for Busy People by William O'Malley S.J. There are Four Weeks, Sunday through Saturday and three prayer groupings morning, mid day and evening) per day. It is VERY open and inclusive in it's language: http://books.google.com/books/about/Daily_Prayers_for_Busy_People.html?id=btybjaoh_6QC

And I am currently mourning the loss of my favorite Liturgy of the Hours book, the People's Companion to the Breviary, from the Psalter Monastery of Carmelite Nuns in Indianapolis. It is WIDELY used by Catholics and others of conscience who tire of the Patriarchal language imposed by translators and Liturgists. This book is in very natural and beautiful inclusive language.

I discovered this while a Franciscan Volunteer. And years later when working as Campus Minister in Chicago, a dear Christian Brother friend gave me his copy. Alas, when moving suddenly from Chicago to St. Louis last year, I left almost EVERYTHING from my 20 years of ministry behind in my old office and classroom. One of the things I forgot to bring with me was my original version of this prayer book. I think this link is to the new version: http://openlibrary.org/books/OL627513M/People's_companion_to_the_breviary.
The general intercessions (petitions) in here are some of the best I have ever seen, and the quotes from the progressive theologians and saints make it worthwhile for everyone. I highly recommend this, and I need to order myself a replacement set ASAP.

I am trained and told I am successful at writing daily prayers, and in leading communities in prayer. But I tell you, even I could not be inspired enough, nor objective enough to manage my own daily prayer needs. AND I am not in charge, GOD is! lol So I allow the spirit room to work in me by looking through these each day.

Joy: My Favorite Christmas Songs!

2011-12-27T00:34:00.000-08:00

More to come! After all there are TWELVE days of Christmas!

#5 "Last Christmas" by George Michael with Wham

#4 "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" N*Sync

#3 "Christmas Waltz" The Carpenters A Christmas Portrait

#2 "Christmas Time is Here" Vince Guaraldi Trio from Charlie Brown Christmas

#1 "Hard Candy Christmas" Dolly and the Girls from Best Little Whorehouse in Texas

Reflect: Slow Down (Christmas)

2011-12-26T23:13:00.000-08:00

Slow me down Lord
Ease the pounding of my heart
by the quieting of my mind.

Steady my hurried pace
with a vision of the eternal march of time.
Give me amid the confusion of the day,
the calmness of the eternal hills.

Break the tension of my nerves and muscles
with the soothing music of the singing streams
that live in my memory.

Help me to know the magical restoring power of sleep.

Teach me the art of taking MINUTE vacations,
Of slowing down to look at a flower,
to chat with a friend,
to pat a dog,
to read a few lines of a good book.

Slow me down Lord
and inspire me to send my roots
deep into the soil of life's enduring values
that I may grow toward the stars of my greater destiny.

I feel the seasons everywhere
And I feel blessings in the air
Those seasons you have sown
You're gonna come into your own.

Seasons, walk into your season.

I feel seasons everywhere

I feel blessings in the air

Those seasons you have sown
You're gonna come into your own.
Seasons, walk into your season

Walk into your season.

I believe we're in a time when God's gonna bless the saints.
Those who have stayed, those who have prayed
He's going to fulfill the promise He made.
For I heard the Spirit say, its your time.
The wait is over,
Walk into your season.

I feel seasons everywhere.

I feel blessings in the air.

Those seasons you have sown
You're gonna come into your own,
Seasons, walk into your season

Walk into your season

I know that you invested a lot
The return has been slow
You throw up your hands and say I give up
I just can't take it anymore.
But, I hear the Spirit say
That it's your time, the wait is over
Walk into your season

You survive the worst of times
God was always on your side
Stake you claim, write your name
Walk into this wealthy place.

The wait is over; its your time

To Winter by Claude McKay

Stay, season of calm love and soulful snows!
There is a subtle sweetness in the sun,
The ripples on the stream's breast gaily run,
The wind more boisterously by me blows,
And each succeeding day now longer grows.
The birds a gladder music have begun,
The squirrel, full of mischief and of fun,
From maples' topmost branch the brown twig throws.
I read these pregnant signs, know what they mean:
I know that thou art making ready to go.
Oh stay! I fled a land where fields are green
Always, and palms wave gently to and fro,
And winds are balmy, blue brooks ever sheen,
To ease my heart of its impassioned woe.

http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/claude_mckay/poems/1787.html

Matthew 6:25-34

Based on the New Living Translation (NLT)

²⁵ “That is why I tell you not to worry and rush so much—pretending that you are the one who makes food and drink, or perfect clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? ²⁷ Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

²⁸ “And why worry about sales and fashions? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or even make clothing, ²⁹ yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. ³⁰ And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

³¹ “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ ³² These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. ³³ Seek the Kingdom of God^[a] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

³⁴ “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough. Be with God. Peace."

Chorus:
(I will keep you in) perfect peace,
(all whose mind's) stayed on Me.

(I will keep you in) perfect peace,
(all whose mind's) stayed on Me.

Verse:
(Ooh...) Remember the earth is the Lord's
(ooh...) and the fullness thereof,
(aah...) the whole world and they that dwell therein;
(all belongs to Him who has made us),
(He watches me).

(So why should I be bound)
(when God has set me free)?

(So why should I be bound when)
(Jesus died for you and me)?

He has lifted
(lifted all of my burdens, all away);
(He is the keeper of my soul, my soul).

Bridge:
God will make a way
out of no way, oh yes;
so glad that He's my savior,
He watches me.

Ending:
He is the keeper of my soul, my soul.
He is the keeper of my soul, my soul.
He is the keeper of my soul, my soul.

Inspire: I finally can enjoy my Christmas decorations and...

2011-12-26T22:05:00.000-08:00

Everybody is taking theirs down! :-( WHAT'S the RUSH!

Commercials announce "Christmas is over..." Says WHO!!!??? I refuse to let some throw-away attitudes, and consumption driven "NEXT!" sales and behaviors take away my quiet times with the lights on, visiting with family and friends.

I am not a slave to the observances of Churches, but I have always liked the concept of savoring and prolonging the holiday!

Three days ago was NOT Christmas for me, it was Advent: the COMING time, the preparation season. I now have AT LEAST 12 days to CELEBRATE Christmas.

I really like celebrating Christmas right up until Twelfth Night, Three Kings Day, Epiphany. THEN comes the Carnivale! The Epiphany Season. The late winter time for satire and laughing at ourselves. A few weeks to say "farewell to the flesh"!!!! I love it!

So please join me on my journey. I am looking forward to SAVORING the next couple weeks. Enjoy Christmas, slow down, do NOTHING for a while!

You deserve it.

http://images.eonline.com/eol_images/Articles/20081223/holiday_lights_300.jpg